Some things never change...

The blogosphere, and the mainstream press, is gung-ho over Britney's triumphant return from the K-list...but as far as I can tell, she's jumped from one unholy matrimony to another, this time with the barest heiress herself. Not only has Paris taken poor Britney under her wing, but she seems to have already tutored her in the ways of club hopping through Vegas and panty flashing for press. What does Paris get for her troubles?

She finally gets to look classy, by comparison. And let me tell you: It takes some real "country" to make Paris look classy. Poor Brit; we already knew from Chaotic that she didn't have any real friends, and now she thinks she's found a kindred spirit in Paris, who ditches friends almost as often as she ditches boyfriends and pets. In the spirit of the Fug Girls, let's imagine the conversation that took place before this girls' night out:

BRITNEY: Do you think the subaquatic goggles are too much?

PARIS: No, big sunglasses are hot.

BRITNEY: I thought since all Rachel Zoe's girls wear them I should give it a shot. You know, so people know I'm still hip and all. Should I brush my hair?

PARIS: No, bed head is sexy. It's boho.

BRITNEY: Boho! That's totally what I'm going for! I wanna look like that Mischa Barton girl from Dawson's Creek or whatever. Now all I need is a lacey little top to match my new-divorcee heels.

PARIS: Just wear that T-shirt, you look hot in it.

BRITNEY: But I've been wearing it for three days in a row. I slept in it last night.

PARIS: It's totally Boho.

BRITNEY: Really?

PARIS: Look girl, you're single now. You can do whatever you want.

BRITNEY: You know, you are so right. I'll show Kevin I don't give a rip about him or any man! I'm so glad we've got each other's backs now, Paris.

PARIS: Totally.

BRITNEY: I'm ready to stay out all damn night, ya'll!

PARIS: Hold on, I have to finish blowdrying.

BRITNEY: We should start a line of fragrances together.