In the spirit of last night’s ANTM (update later), in which the girls were judged on their passport photos, ex-ANTM judge Janice Dickinson’s driver’s license is pictured at left to fuel your insomnia for the next few weeks. (source)

In the spirit of the manifold fits of conscience that are spreading like Avian, Rabbi Madge's latest promotional effort is a confession line. Guilt-ridden fans can call 1-888-2-CONFESS if they want 2 confess; then, subscribe to Madonna's podcast to hear other people's anonymous confessions! Which reminds me: the Wesleyan confession board is dunzo. When will the replacement be born?

In the following excerpt, Pitchfork demonstrates how to kill humor with excessive reference to pop culture. Try to guess what the actual topic is here:

“Why do hipsters reject Genesis? Animal Collective couldn't try any harder to mimic them, from the prog-jamming down to the stupid album art. In 10 years, Geologist & The Mechanics will top the charts with an inspirational ballad and Panda Bear will record a slick blue-eyed soul album for yuppies, write some songs for a Disney cartoon, and play a butler in a movie. Then your kids will make Animal Collective the butt of jokes, and you'll be just like That Guy defending Genesis to anyone who's born post-Bret Easton Ellis.”

Snark is funny. Pop culture is funny. A paragraph that references Genesis, Animal Collective, Geologist & The Mechanics, Panda Bear, Disney, and Bret Easton Ellis all in a row – and contains a tongue-in-cheek capitalized phrase like “That Guy” – is a brand of humor so humorless that it’s sad and a little scary, like if Charlie Rose anchored the Daily Show.

Quickies:…..Ja Rule and Ashanti do the Bat Mitzvah circuit….. “Bare right after the first traffic light, fool!” Mr. T will copilot your next road trip…..Leonard Cohen is coming out with his first book of verse in 20 years, called Book Of Longing…..Wrestlers fag out about clothes, reinforce their already faggy fagginess…..Alan Astor’s Everything Is Possible record has the most amazing album art possible (guns, Magi kings).

Doreen is my middle name,

Andrea Doreen