Friday, December 02, 2005


Kim is everywhere this week. She’s in the Village Voice, which describes her as "fantastically droll, genuine, and astute" – a point she promptly proves by calling ANTM "the hot-or-not game to the max". She had an interview on ABC News (watch it here – after items about Trump, Tom, and Nick and Jessica), in which she lauded Tyra's valuable advice, reminded us that "God don't like ugly, but I guess God don't like gay either, so that's fine", and concluded that modeling is "a lot harder than writing a thesis." And - who knew? - she wants to be an actress! And, I suspect she has a publicist coaching her on interviews? Observe:

A brief chat with TV Guide: “[Acting is] exciting, because you can use different parts of your personality to become other people… I definitely will be pursuing that!”

An interview in Planet Out, which introduces her with another triumvirate of compliments ("bold, beautiful and supremely sexy"). Kim admits to misjudging Lisa, shouts out to Amy, and reiterates – “Right now, I want to focus on modeling and acting. My dream right now is to land a small role on ‘The L Word.’” – that she would really, really like to act. Who thinks Kim might want to act?

And, bonus! Check out the Calgary Sun, in which she admits: "I wish I had eaten the granola bar; I would have taken pride in that, but I really hate granola," then suggests that "Bre ate it herself - or one of her other personalities did." Oh Kim.


FINALLY, Jayla the Lizard - or the “fucking psycho”, as per her MySpace - got tossed like a salad. In retrospect, I’m sad to see her go – the competition won’t be the same without her middle school-level rants about anyone she finds threatening. Let's look at some highlights of Jayla's career of penultimate badittude:

How to Player Hate - or Jayla's Top(less) 10
1. Try to be the “all about nudity” girl in the house. Get shown up by an alcoholic bitch in a diaper.

2. Cling like a vine (or like a tattoo of a vine in the small of a Suicide Girl’s back) to the sounds of hipsters past: namely, “Electroclash, psychobilly, and hardcore.” In general, try to remain true to your 10th grade Makeoutclub profile.

3. Talk smack: Subtly refer to the competition's love handles in casual conversation.

4. Talk smack again: "Everyone says that Kyle is so beautiful, but I really think that Kyle lacks a lot of depth. I really think that she has next to no personality." Ignore irony.

5. Steal the competition’s ideas. Because, apparently, when called upon to invent a one-liner, you can’t think of anything better than, “I’m afraid of the dark, and sleep with a nightlight.” How about, “I can’t pierce my labia because I’m scared of needles?”

6. Talk smack some more: call the shoo-in winner a “stupid, stupid bitch” behind her back. Try to use early-90’s slang, while you’re at it (buh-bye).

7. Jump on the bandwagon.

8. Steal Bre’s granola bars. Yeah, you heard me.

9. Drug the competition.

10. Dress like a “prissy punk”; pose like a blow-up doll (PS, Simon Doonan is a demigod).

11. And one more for good luck: Remember to bow out with grace and sportsmanship.

As an aside, the hands-down best line of the season, tied with "1 down, 11 to go!", is:

"I'm the fourth baddest bitch in America."

Bre may have entitlement issues, and a cruddy penchant for evangelism, but that line is worthy of the ANTM sassy-ghetto-bitch-with-attitude hall of fame. Get outta there, Camille! Plus, she sort of compliments Nicole here.

Jayla meant to say "overshadow",


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