Thursday, January 12, 2006

Oh, most estimable reader; I was supposed to give you a 10 more days of Shit List before the birth of the New Year, but I am a cesspoolful of rotting monsters who doesn't deserve you. But! There's still Valentine's Day, Easter, Martin Luther King's Day - plenty of time to give gifts to your loved ones. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, here's a recap of what Shit List means to me:

The "Shit List" is a running series of lists of shit that win our affection, with comprable shit that does not. The First Shit List, in celebration of Christ's birth, is a list of shit we want in our Christmas (Easter, Martin Luther King) sock, interspersed with shit we seriously do not fucking want. So, since most of my weak-ass friends didn't get me anything for Xmas anyway, in a fit of wishful thinking I present the presents:

The Twelve Days Of

On the third day of Shit List my true love gave to me...

This is on the dire side, because my kitchen currently has two plates, two bowls, two forks, two spoons, two knives, three pots, and a cheese grater (seriously). In the worlds of love and food, a good knife is essential, and cheese planes, deep fryers, pre-measured plates, and stovetop broilers are awesome; but a Kitchen Aid stand mixer is forever.

OK, look. I get that I draw sometimes, and you think Hey! She’s into art, why don’t I get her this paintbrush. But the thing is this: I know someone who’s been an artist for 40-odd years, who knows a lot about supplies and provides me with the basics, and it’s pretty safe to bet that he knows what he’s doing. Most art supplies, especially pretty, gift-y looking ones, are junk: it’s always tempting to buy a sketchbook with an awesome cover, but the paper inside is usually flimsy (usually – not always). Most importantly, art supplies are a supply-and-demand type deal; what am I going to do with beautiful acrylics if I’m working in silverpoint? All this said, there are some art supplies that never go out of style: gilding sets, glue guns, Prismacolor marker sets, light boxes.

When God gives you AIDS, make Kitchen AIDS,


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