David Kicks Goliath's Ass (Again)

In case you missed it, or didn't hear the distant white-collar shouts of UConn's Darien Aryan fanbase, controversial 11th-seeders George Mason defeated the top-seeded UConn Huskies on Sunday, winning a place in the NCAA tournament's Final Four. Everyone's calling it a Cinderella story, but I prefer to get Biblical. UConn's players appeared to tower over the GMU men, but I thought it might have been the camera angle, those Leprechauny GMU uniforms, or a psychologically-driven hallucination. Turns out it was no illusion; GMU is way shorter than UConn, their tallest starter measuring a dwarfish 6'7", as opposed to UConn's 6'9", 6'10", and 6'11" starters. Nonetheless, GMU managed to outrebound UConn 37-34. Cinderlla story, maybe; but I think it can more accurately be called a nicely updated David & Goliath.

Even though I don't follow college basketball, I'm psyched about the upset. If you've ever found yourself in a Connecticut dive bar during March Madness, you know why. And, continuing the Shitparade tradition of outing college sports figures, I'd like to point out that Folarin Campbell nailed a fadeaway jumper over Rudy Gay.

As for me, there are three simple reasons why I love GMU:
1) It's a commuter school.
2) None of its (short, short, short) players had any bids from large universities to play on their teams (and they're so goddamned tiny, it's adorable - little shorties!)
2) The guy on the right:

He was suspended earlier in the season for punching a HOFSTRA player in the balls. And, his name is Tony Skinn.

To the green and gold we will ever be true, here and wherever we roam
And we sing of a place where the young and the old give the Patriots’ dreams a home,

~Andrea