Sunday, February 25, 2007

Live-Blogging the Hollywood Superbowl

8:05pm - Anne Hathaway, not sure about that bow, but Emily Blunt, you look hot. Patricia Field looks like she Manic Panicked her whole body. Nicole Kidman looks like a red carpet herself, and doesn't know how to answer red carpet questions. The irony!

8:13pm - Penelope Cruz looks beautiful.

8:14pm - Andre Leon Talley could not be more gay, and also, I never noticed that he was twice the width and height of everyone else in the world. Jada Pinkett Smith looks amazing in that gold Carolina Herrera. Wow. And how supportive to dress like Oscar for your Oscar nom husband. Wow, she's hot. Did you know she was at Ozzfest with her heavy metal band? She's hot. Armani Prive on Cate Blanchett - nice.

8:15pm - Helen Mirren has some hot decoletage. Am I the only one who thinks she's fly?
Cameron Diaz, you are orange. Not OK. Also, your dress looks like a collar from a men's dress shirt that mutated into an entire dress. Or, a paper airplane.

8:37pm - Ellen Degeneres is dressed as a snazzy doorman, or Hugh Hefner, or Hugh Hefner's doorman. Penelope Cruz is definitely not Mexican, despite what Ellen Degeneres might tell you. Do I actually find Ellen endearing? Does that make me...oh my God, did Nicholson shave his head?

- The WIll Ferrel, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly song the best thing I have ever seen.

9:01pm - Jaden Smith is a bad motha. He effs up a line, and while that little cream puff from Little Miss Sunshine giggles and loses her composure, he mumbles, "oops - that's the wrong line" - and keeps going.

9:04pm West Bank Story? Haven’t heard of this. How have I not heard of this? Please let it win. It won! Oooh, Ari Sandel, I will find you on Jdate.

9:05pm Jack Nicholson? Looks terrifying. He looks like a very unfortunate casualty of tobacco addiction, the one in those public service ads. Whose kids and wife are very sad, because he passed in 2005. It's really depressing and touching, but a bit much when you're trying to watch Ugly Betty. And basically, you shouldn't want to look like him, because the whole ad is how he made poor decisions which cost him his body and his family's happiness, and ultimately his life - and that's really serious and not very chic, so cut it out, OK, Jack Nicholson? Unless we're about to find out that you are sick in some way, in which case, I am a jerk.

9:13pm A Capella sound effects quire? Yes please.

9:15pm Steve Carrell still looks pissed off about Ellen's “diversity” comment.

9:17pm The sound editing winners a) are identical, b) both look like the Monopoly guy, c) both look terrified.

9:21pm Rachel Weisz is trying to rock the same weird, sea-anemone fake-bob as Cameron Diaz. Ladies,

Alan Arkin? I didn’t see that movie, but poor Eddie Murphy. Dreamgirls was the only dramatic role he’ll ever have. Oh my God, wait – is Alan Arkin actually reading a prewritten speech in which he uses phrases like “spirit of unity”?

9:25pm Ellen is sort of cute. I have to say. Joke’s about giving Martin Scorsese a script? Cute. Bothering Marky Mark right after he loses? Not so cute.

8:55pm - The WIll Ferrel, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly song the best thing I have ever seen.

- Will Smith's kid is a bad motha. He effs up a line, mumbles, "oops - that's the wrong line" - and keeps going.

10pm - Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway just told Meryl Streep they love her. God, Emily Blunt's dress is stunning. This costume panorama thing is weird. If you're not watching, they have live model posing in the costumes of the nominated movies, and gently swaying back in forth, like vaguely-in-character mannekins. It looks OK on TV, but imagine being there. Awkward! Oooh, nice YSL smoking jacket on the dykey Marie Antoinette costume designer.

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