Wednesday, November 23, 2005

America's Next Top Wino

It’s been a while since I mentioned ANTM, but it’s judgment day, Kim-heads. So here’s an extra large update to make up for lost time, and to catch everyone up on recent happenings.


Some people thought she had a cute l’il character, but as far as I was concerned, Lisa couldn’t have gotten eliminated soon enough. I’m sure the pressure of the show had something to do with her obnoxious attitude and excessive competitiveness, but sheesh. I’ll give her kudos for a positive attitude upon exit. Now that she’s gone, I know I’ll miss the shit-hammered psychosis she provided.

How To Garner Affection From Your National Audience (or: Lisa’s Greatest Hits):

1) Tell yourself you’re beautiful, every single day.

2) Wear a diaper; pee-test it.

3) Drunkenly commiserate with a shrub named Cousin It.

4) Have a cookie.

With Lisa gone, the remaining competitors are Kim (yay!), Jayla (huh?!), Bre (boo!), Nik (blah), and that little English rose, Nicole.

This Week In Kim
The ladies, led by bitchy Bre, a complacent Nik, and a hunting-lizard Jayla (can’t quite place that face…), accused Kim of being a gossip. If you prick her, does Kim not bleed??

Our little China doll was also seen hitting the 11/11 Out 100 Awards. No award this year...(full album

If you missed our little Kimmie on Veronica Mars, check her debut out
here. Did you know her passion used to be acting before it was modeling?

Kimitation of the week: I originally planned to do this every week, since Kim seems to imitate someone in each episode. Last week’s winner was her imitation of Lisa in confessional. This week is just precious: Kim imitates a
duck. For more ANTM news, Four Four has the best recaps online, posted every Friday…, check out Britain’s Next Top Model winner, Lucy…Any news on who won Thailand’s?

And Another Thing...
I call NICOLE as the winner of ANTM. They’re already hinting at it on the website, presenting her in a positive light as Kim’s defender in the limo bitchfest

Join me and the rest of the straight female world in sackcloth and ashes tonight!

1 comment:

andrew ® said...

im with you on the nicole as winning thing. I previously thought it was going to be bre...but seriously that chick is a cunt, and we can't have cunts being role models for girls aspiring to be ANTM's.