Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Giving you shit.

In celebration of two important events in the world of popular culture, I've decided to make another Shit List - traditionally, a list of items I want, accompanied by a list of items I seriously do not fucking want. But this time you get a double dose of negativity. Enjoy!

A Special, Double-Negative

On the first day of Shit List my true love gave to me...

Expensive Trash
I hope you're sitting down, because you're about to get swept off your feet. Apple has released a new mouse!! Once the waves of hot ecstasy teeming through every nerve in your body have subsided, check out the useful features available on the Mighty Mouse: 1) It's wireless! Can you imagine? A wireless mouse? It's like the Jetsons or something!! 2) It has a "laser tracking engine" which "delivers more precision on more surfaces" - I presume this particular selling point is directed at the military consumer? 3) It has "wireless connectivity up to 30 ft" - for all those times you feel like checking your email through binoculars. 4) Another button! You heard right - this mouse has TWO BUTTONS - a left button, and a right button. Now, I'm a Mac user and all, but can we get over ourselves, please? No way Apple is bombastically celebrating a two-button mouse. Are they actually trying to provoke the "I told you so" from PC users? So, what makes this white wonder worth a wopping $69? Search me, buddy. All I know is, if Steve Jobs took a shit in a tin can, spray painted it white, and named it the iCan - or maybe the FeCan? - the Mac zealots would buy it, and have it laser-engraved.

And speaking of expensive trash, check out Paris Hilton's album website. Here's a little sample - note the elegant visual reference to ovaries (click to enlarge):

...But why else does this all seem familiar? Oh, yeah:

It's a total ripoff of the Gwen Stefani website, from the black and white floral graphics down to the gray pinstripes - and the promo shots - and, duh, the music. If she has to rip someone off to kick-start her sham music career, couldn't it at least be someone who doesn't work anymore - or like, someone dead. For instancce - Janis Joplin doesn't seem like an obvious choice, but think about it: they both have drug problems and they both dig nudity - and they're certainly both into free love. What say you, Paris?

What's she gonna do, sue me?

PS. Please don't sue me.

1 comment:

shadow said...