There is something about translation which just makes me giggle. Street signs and tshirts with roughly translated Chinese-Engrish phrases are funny, but when the Engrish has been written by, um, the English, then it's that much better. I see infinite amounts and genres of music every day, including English record labels' compilations of American big band. And sometimes I read the liner notes. And sometimes they look like this:
"There is invariably something rewarding to hear your favourite singer backdropped by a first-class band, to provide, hopefully, the ideal accompaniment. The kind which might even tend to make the vocal performance itself sound that much better - probably, because it has stimulated and inspired him or her to even greater heights. And, of course, there have been times, perhaps too numerous to recall, when a singer of average-only quality is made to sound conseridably more accomplished than is really the case...!
Certainly, though, there is little doubt that the presence of practically any kind of first-rate accompanying outfit often results in much fine vocal-instrumental music-making. Thus providing a delightful experience for the listener, whether we are attending a "live" performance, or merely confining ourselves to a session around a record player, or hearing the music by way of a portable cassette-type machine."
I never leave home without my cassette-type machine. The liners continue in this manner for 10 more paragraphs, but if you narrate it in your head in the voice of a self-important chimney sweep, it starts to make a glimmer of sense. I'd like to find whoever wrote this and have them write the MGMT bio. "Andrew Vanwyngarden and his partner and oftentimes personal-type friend Benjamin Goldwasser, who is also a producer, create a musical adventure which, though vocally driven, are at their core, or, perhaps, in the opposite manner, driven by the instrumental simulation created by computers via the talents of said two young gentlefellows." Is that Maverick on the line?
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Moldy, Acoustic Peaches
James Spooner, director of Afropunk, will be shooting a scene from his new feature White Lies, Black Sheep at Glass House Gallery (38 S 1st btw Wythe / Kent, Wburg) at 8pm on Thursday, in which Kimya Dawson and Adam Green of the Moldy Peaches perform an acoustic set in the background. They need 50-75 extras for the scene, so essentially this is a free all-ages show, and a rare opportunity to see Kimya and Adam do a set together again - just you have to sign a waiver. And be in a movie. And get there early, because it's limited and they is populars.Dawson & Green
Thurs 9.1, 8pm (or way before)
Glass House Gallery (38 S 1st btw Wythe / Kent)
DailyCandy = Haters
As a dedicated patron of Pink Pony from way back - have you tried those pancakes? Yeesh - I have to take issue with the following tidbit from DailyCandy, which is not only wrong, but rips off New York mag's review of PP ("Now the only persistent smell at the expanded Pink Pony is the oily aroma of one too many unwashed artists"). Observe:
"Click your heels three times and you’ll find it: Cafe Gitane without the Gauloise attitude; Pink Pony without the unwashed hipster stench.
Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore.
The other night while roaming from Chinatown to NoLIta, we caught a glimpse of Epistrophy. Grungy (and gorgeous) Italian newlyweds, Luca Fadda and Giorgia Zedda, were placing finishing touches on the old-world interior of their new resto: bistro chairs, dark wooden bar, tin ceiling. The place looks like it’s been there for years, and it immediately won our vote for new favorite hangout. (And it’s so discreet that when we returned the following night, we almost couldn’t find it.)"
Aw - got lost on the LES? Maybe you should have stayed in Kansas.
I Been Wastin' My Vacation...
We Are Scientists are totally destroying someone's living room and playing with dolls, again.
Monday, August 29, 2005
The Culturally Insensitive News In Brief
Today, a bunch of topless African virgins danced around in front of the king of Swaziland wearing skimpy outfits made of grass and beads. Mardi Gras Afrique was held so that King Mswati III, sub-Saharan Africa's last absolute monarch, could choose a 13th wife. The 50,000 or so women involved in the event brought up the single-serve palace and BMW given to every wife taken by the king; Critics brought up Swaziland's completely insane AIDS pandemic as a reason why sex with teenagers should probably not officially be endorsed by the government; Mswati issued a statement saying, "Why you hatin'?! My bitches got whiiiiiipz! I'm the king, son!" All I'm thinking is: 50,000 virgins, huh?
Speaking of whips, I have yet to catch the VMA's on replay, but I hear that Diddy really made it into his own party - it was practically all hip-hop. Sounds pretty sweet.
Speaking of tittays, as part of a Planet of the Apes-reminiscent exhibit at the London Zoo, WASPy models dressed in the Yatta costumes are part of the Human Zoo exhibit; but even cooler than that is how this totally crazy website reports it as "psychological warfare" aimed at making the "target population...see itself in animal terms."
Christian yoga. Yes.
Speaking of Brangelina (we were, weren't we?), a judge has approved the Jennifer Aniston / Brad Pitt divorce - but according to Time, blonde busybody ex-gf Gwyneth Paltrow has condemned it. Implying that Pitt is to blame for the publicity flood, Paltrow sited their public engagement and breakup in 1997. The magazine quotes her saying, "It would have been a lot easier on [them] now if they had not talked to the press about each other and everything to begin with...I learned my lesson at 24."
Speaking of whips, I have yet to catch the VMA's on replay, but I hear that Diddy really made it into his own party - it was practically all hip-hop. Sounds pretty sweet.
Speaking of tittays, as part of a Planet of the Apes-reminiscent exhibit at the London Zoo, WASPy models dressed in the Yatta costumes are part of the Human Zoo exhibit; but even cooler than that is how this totally crazy website reports it as "psychological warfare" aimed at making the "target population...see itself in animal terms."
Christian yoga. Yes.
Speaking of Brangelina (we were, weren't we?), a judge has approved the Jennifer Aniston / Brad Pitt divorce - but according to Time, blonde busybody ex-gf Gwyneth Paltrow has condemned it. Implying that Pitt is to blame for the publicity flood, Paltrow sited their public engagement and breakup in 1997. The magazine quotes her saying, "It would have been a lot easier on [them] now if they had not talked to the press about each other and everything to begin with...I learned my lesson at 24."
I'm Sick Of Partying, Let's Read Books
Some weird artist lady named Marie Lorenz has built a canoe and would like to take you to school or the office or the library in it. The idea is to take you where you’d normally go by a different, water-borne route, so you can email her your departure point, destination, and the time you need to get where you’re going. Also, artsy types should email proposals for the Gowanus Octoberfest (10.22), which is to be hosted on a 63-ft boat with a big empty room and a roof deck – any kind of technology projects, art, performance, and anything that utilizes the space is welcome. Also, check out Batman getting in on with Robin (boi wonder?), by Mark Chamberlain.
Asterixes = I'm maybe there.
Tonight Kimya Dawson @ Cake Shop, 8pm, tba
Tonight Rainer Maria + Hail Social @ Maxwell’s, 8pm, $10
Tonight Degeneration @ Scenic, FREE
Tonight Retail Mafia @ Sway (305 Spring), FREE beer 10-11:30pm
Tomorrow Gotham Writer’s Wkshop @ B&N, 6:30pm, FREE
Tomorrow Bouncing Souls @ CBGB, $20
Tomorrow Mommy and Daddy + free food @ Cake Shop, 7pm, list only
Tomorrow Institute w/ Gavin Rossdale @ Bowery Ballroom, 7pm, $25
Tomorrow King Of France @ Mercury Lounge, 7:30pm, $10
*Tomorrow Stylofone + Cheeseburger AD Lib Party @ RARE, 9pm, FREE?
*Tomorrow Nylon/Jared Leto Party @ Table 50, 10pm, RSVP 323.525.2461
Wed 8.31 J-Live @ Virgin Megastore Union Sq, 6:30pm, FREE
Wed 8.31 Zorba The Greek @ Socrates Sculpture Park, 7pm, FREE
Wed 8.31 Red Planet (Mars Costume Party) @ Stain Bar, 8pm, FREE
Wed 8.31 Tra La La @ Cake Shop, 9:30pm, $7
*Wed 8.31 Dirty Raw w/ Syrup Girls @ Subtonic, FREE
*Wed 8.31 Bang! @ China 1, FREE
*Wed 8.31 Bust! @ Boys Room, FREE
Thu 9.1 Measles Mumps Rubella @ Pussycat Lounge, midnite, $6
Fri 9.2 Ned Vizzini Student Writer Wkshop @ B&N, 5pm, FREE
*Fri 9.2 Japanther + Aa + Matt&Kim @ Pratt Lawn, 7pm, FREE
*Fri 9.2 Sons & Daughters @ Mercury Lounge, 8:30pm, $10 adv
Fri 9.2 Rooftop Films / BBQ @ Automative high School, 8:30pm, $8
Fri 9.2 Xiu Xiu @ Bowery, 9pm, $13 adv / $12 dos
*Fri 9.2 Hot Fuckin’ Pink @ Scenic, FREE
*Fri 9.2 Crashin’ In @ Supreme Trading, FREE
*Sat 9.3 Oneida + The Double @ S 5th btw Berry/Wythe, Wburg, 1pm
*Sat 9.3 Misshapes @ Luke + Leroy, FREE
*Sun 9.4 Pitty Sing @ Pianos, 7:30pm, $8
Sun 9.4 Motherfucker w/Out Hud @ Eugene, 10pm, $15 w/print out
Sun 9.4 Morrissey Night @ Sway
Asterixes = I'm maybe there.
Tonight Kimya Dawson @ Cake Shop, 8pm, tba
Tonight Rainer Maria + Hail Social @ Maxwell’s, 8pm, $10
Tonight Degeneration @ Scenic, FREE
Tonight Retail Mafia @ Sway (305 Spring), FREE beer 10-11:30pm
Tomorrow Gotham Writer’s Wkshop @ B&N, 6:30pm, FREE
Tomorrow Bouncing Souls @ CBGB, $20
Tomorrow Mommy and Daddy + free food @ Cake Shop, 7pm, list only
Tomorrow Institute w/ Gavin Rossdale @ Bowery Ballroom, 7pm, $25
Tomorrow King Of France @ Mercury Lounge, 7:30pm, $10
*Tomorrow Stylofone + Cheeseburger AD Lib Party @ RARE, 9pm, FREE?
*Tomorrow Nylon/Jared Leto Party @ Table 50, 10pm, RSVP 323.525.2461
Wed 8.31 J-Live @ Virgin Megastore Union Sq, 6:30pm, FREE
Wed 8.31 Zorba The Greek @ Socrates Sculpture Park, 7pm, FREE
Wed 8.31 Red Planet (Mars Costume Party) @ Stain Bar, 8pm, FREE
Wed 8.31 Tra La La @ Cake Shop, 9:30pm, $7
*Wed 8.31 Dirty Raw w/ Syrup Girls @ Subtonic, FREE
*Wed 8.31 Bang! @ China 1, FREE
*Wed 8.31 Bust! @ Boys Room, FREE
Thu 9.1 Measles Mumps Rubella @ Pussycat Lounge, midnite, $6
Fri 9.2 Ned Vizzini Student Writer Wkshop @ B&N, 5pm, FREE
*Fri 9.2 Japanther + Aa + Matt&Kim @ Pratt Lawn, 7pm, FREE
*Fri 9.2 Sons & Daughters @ Mercury Lounge, 8:30pm, $10 adv
Fri 9.2 Rooftop Films / BBQ @ Automative high School, 8:30pm, $8
Fri 9.2 Xiu Xiu @ Bowery, 9pm, $13 adv / $12 dos
*Fri 9.2 Hot Fuckin’ Pink @ Scenic, FREE
*Fri 9.2 Crashin’ In @ Supreme Trading, FREE
*Sat 9.3 Oneida + The Double @ S 5th btw Berry/Wythe, Wburg, 1pm
*Sat 9.3 Misshapes @ Luke + Leroy, FREE
*Sun 9.4 Pitty Sing @ Pianos, 7:30pm, $8
Sun 9.4 Motherfucker w/Out Hud @ Eugene, 10pm, $15 w/print out
Sun 9.4 Morrissey Night @ Sway
MGMT Take Northsix By Karaoke Storm
The scantily-clad boys of MGMT took Northsix by karaoke-style storm on Saturday night. Thank you so much to everyone who came out, and also to everyone who is housing the guys on their East Coast odyssey. Here are some pictures from the show. OMG, is that DJ Awesome Party's sneakers? (click the pics to see them bigger)
Also, Of Montreal is composed of some of the most decent, no-bullshit people ever. Case in point: Matt Dawson, the bassist/multi-instrumentalist, held post at the merch table next to me for all the hours before and after their set - afterwards with stage makeup, sweaty stage clothes, and all.
Boom!
Friday, August 26, 2005
Brangelina in East Egg, More
Brangelina is rumored to be hitting NYC soon - she to film her upcoming movie with Robert DeNiro, and he to follow her around like a puppy. To that end, he's supposedly renting a Southampton estate for after labor day, which is coincidentally when she is hosting a benefit for Haiti in the Hamptons with Meryl Streep. If this is true, I may take an Indian summer respite to the East. Maybe the Hamptons aren't so bad?Shortly before purging my lunch, I read that the mayor of Budapest is trying to pass legislature that allows only women with "perfect legs" to wear miniskirts, and bans crop tops altogether, since obviously "few women have well-trained bellies worth showing to people."
Some guy in New Zealand was raped by a bunch of twenty-something women.
A bunch of weird junkies shot up in the middle of a Boston park in broad daylight (one, Jose, is pictured above). One of them died, one of them got arrested, and one of them fled. The fact that any of them got away makes me worry about terrorists all over again.
Currency
Has anyone seen Current yet? I don't have premium channels, but I'm hoping to hell that it's something like Nick News used to be when I was a kid. Now Nick has some old lady anchor named Linda Ellerbee doing it, but when I was a kid they had these hyper ambitious child actors really annunciating the headlines. It was both engaging and destracting. Maybe when Dakota Fanning's career bottoms out...
Also, there's this new movie Gankutsuou: The Count Of Monte Cristo, based on the Alexander Dumas classic. I'm not that into anime - it always strikes me as sort of pervy - but this film seems to have possibility: it was directed by Mahiro Maeda (who did that "Second Renaissance" segment in Animatrix) with costumes by Anna Sui, and music by JJ Burnel - bassist for The Stranglers, one of the most underrated, versatile bands ever - they did that pretty "Golden Brown" song on the Snatch soundtrack, originally off their 1981 album "La Folie". The 1982 7" "Strange Little Girl" is my favorite - PS who the hell am I suddenly?
In other news, make rezzies at Monkeytown while you can, before the pending NYTimes feature blows it up beyond recognition. I'm personally excited about the Forcefield video series starting 9.8, for which I have made reservations, and the grilled Persian lamb t-bone with mint orzo. Cruelty tastes gooooood.
Also, there's this new movie Gankutsuou: The Count Of Monte Cristo, based on the Alexander Dumas classic. I'm not that into anime - it always strikes me as sort of pervy - but this film seems to have possibility: it was directed by Mahiro Maeda (who did that "Second Renaissance" segment in Animatrix) with costumes by Anna Sui, and music by JJ Burnel - bassist for The Stranglers, one of the most underrated, versatile bands ever - they did that pretty "Golden Brown" song on the Snatch soundtrack, originally off their 1981 album "La Folie". The 1982 7" "Strange Little Girl" is my favorite - PS who the hell am I suddenly?
In other news, make rezzies at Monkeytown while you can, before the pending NYTimes feature blows it up beyond recognition. I'm personally excited about the Forcefield video series starting 9.8, for which I have made reservations, and the grilled Persian lamb t-bone with mint orzo. Cruelty tastes gooooood.
Allow me to introduce....
Starting this coming week, pop cultural consumption / musical addiction / online news source reorganization, and other blog-like duties will be assumed on the Left Coast by Kiss Me Kate (pictured left - the soberish one) from the Claremont, CA Shitparade offices, while I continue to cover the Pale Coast beat.
And PS: Holy fucking shit!!
Our very own Kim Stolz is already hitting the stands and the blogosphere and of course, as previously mentioned, UPN's official ANTM site. The best part of the audition tapes is that while everyone else talks about fashion and dreams, Kim Stolz talks about her thesis.(Thank you Totes Umbrellas for the Entertainment Weekly scan)
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Wesleyan Paints The Town
Spotted in the wilds of the urban junnnnnnnnglllllllle:
A Wesleyan doe-eyed lemur, and a migrating Wesleyan boat-mouthed pelican about to devour its prey. And of course, my very own tiny-nosed doppelganger. How'd we miss each other?
A Wesleyan doe-eyed lemur, and a migrating Wesleyan boat-mouthed pelican about to devour its prey. And of course, my very own tiny-nosed doppelganger. How'd we miss each other?
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
MGMT SOLD OUT NORTHSIX (with some help from Of Montreal)
The Of Montreal / MGMT show at Northsix this Saturday 8.27 is SOLD OUT, which is really exciting for everyone. Last night the MGMT boys played their first gig on the tour to Cat's Cradle in North Carolina - a venue with a 620-person capacity. There were already 300 tickets sold in presale, so its likely that the venue sold out. Their other Northeast area shows are:
Thur 8.25, Ottobar, Baltimore, MD
Fri 8.26, First Unitarian Church, Philly, PA
Thur 9.8, Andy Warhol Museum, Pittsburgh, PA
Fri 9.9, Buffalo ICON, Buffalo, NY
Sat 9.10, Valentine's, Albany, NY
Sun 9.11, Middle East, Boston, MA
Mon 9.12, Higher Ground, Burlington, VT
Tue 9.13, Eclectic House, Wesleyan University, Middletown, CT
Wed 9.14, Pearl St, Northampton, MA
Fri 9.16, Satellite Ballroom, Charlottesville, VT
For a complete list of shows on the 2005 Of Montreal / MGMT tour, go here.
Thur 8.25, Ottobar, Baltimore, MD
Fri 8.26, First Unitarian Church, Philly, PA
Thur 9.8, Andy Warhol Museum, Pittsburgh, PA
Fri 9.9, Buffalo ICON, Buffalo, NY
Sat 9.10, Valentine's, Albany, NY
Sun 9.11, Middle East, Boston, MA
Mon 9.12, Higher Ground, Burlington, VT
Tue 9.13, Eclectic House, Wesleyan University, Middletown, CT
Wed 9.14, Pearl St, Northampton, MA
Fri 9.16, Satellite Ballroom, Charlottesville, VT
For a complete list of shows on the 2005 Of Montreal / MGMT tour, go here.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Julia Roberts, Chloe Sevigny = video vamps?
Seems like the latest It part in Hollywood is video vamp.Dave Matthews Band's video for "Dreamgirl" features Julia Roberts (really) as the ultimate groupie. It starts out she's having this dream where she's in this field, right? And then it turns into a nighmare where she's running away from this guy with no face, and she crashes into Leroi Moore from the band, but he's kind of also the no-face guy, but the scariest part is really her weird Y-camp fake dreadlock hair, and then she wakes up and Boyd Tinsley's cooking up some grub, OK, and then the no face guy is actually Dave, so they're about to totally make out, but then she wakes up again for real this time and turns out she's boffing bassist Stefan Lessard and has a day job.
Meanwhile, the new Smog video features everyone's favorite counterculture socialite and moonlighting actress as a meek hotel maid doing laundry and various other banalities.
The unexciting thing about this development is how tasteful and reserved the videos are. In other words, cockless. How about Julia Roberts making amateur porn with Liv Tyler? Or Chloe Sevigny giving a beej to a former Calvin Klein model? (wait...)
How far we've come since the days of Bobbie Brown getting the hose for Warrant. Coming soon: Scarlett Johannson as a gas station attendant for Animal Collective, Maggie Gyllenhaal as a dental hygenist for 50 cent.
OMG OMG
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AH Oh Christ.
Remember I mentioned Kim, the girl who's going to be on America's Next Top Model? This is honestly the weirdest/funniest/greatest thing I've ever seen. It just made my day. Keep your eyes peeled...she's coming out!
AH Oh Christ.
Remember I mentioned Kim, the girl who's going to be on America's Next Top Model? This is honestly the weirdest/funniest/greatest thing I've ever seen. It just made my day. Keep your eyes peeled...she's coming out!
Monday, August 22, 2005
Downtown Goes High Fashion
Greg of Misshapes fame, and his waify darling known to me only as Crying Boy, were in Sunday Styles "On The Street" section this past weekend as examples of the "devotees of free-spirited dress" who have "flocked to the two-day opening" of Heatherette at Henri Bendel this past month.
Meanwhile, girl-about-town Feng Feng is featured on Vogue's online "Street Style: Summer 2005" spread. Am I crazy, or is this girl everywhere? Cute sunglasses...
Meanwhile, girl-about-town Feng Feng is featured on Vogue's online "Street Style: Summer 2005" spread. Am I crazy, or is this girl everywhere? Cute sunglasses...
Event List 8.22.05
It just occurred to me that all but 3 of the events listed this week are FREE! With that in mind, consider splurging on a dinner at the Stanton Social. The menu is designed such that parties of 2+ order a bunch of taster dishes, and then everyone indulges together - perfect for "Can I try a bit of that?" types like myself. I can personally vouch for the red snapper tacos (mmm), the goat cheese ravioli with hazelnut pesto (yummm), the wasabi pea-crusted salmon (holy yum), the lobster chorizo paella cakes (holy fucking yumcakes), and the all-day barbecue beans, and - sweet mercy of our lady of sorrows - the WARM DONUTS. If you don't want dinner, get the warm donuts. Everyone should taste these things before they die.
And go see MGMT on 8.27. Their act is going to surprise the listening masses - let's say some key words include "uniforms", "large stage set", "virtuoso guitar", "hot dance beats", and "I'm going to be there dropping booty like the pimps in the crib, ma."
So, go ahead and enjoy the last vestiges of summer with the last vestiges of your paid internship.
Tonight Jaws @ Bryant Park, seating 5pm, FREE
Tonight The Baxter @ Chelsea Clearview (260 W 23rd), 7pm, FREE w/ RSVP
Tonight Monday Night Meditations @ 29 W 14th St Rm 508, 7pm, FREE
*Tonight Thrift On! @ Botanica Bar (47 E Houston btw Mott / Mulberry), 9pm, FREE
*Tonight Retail Mafia @ Sway (305 Spring), FREE
Tonight Degeneration @ Scenic, FREE
Tomorrow Bret Easton Ellis @ Coliseum Books (11 W 42nd St), 6:30pm, FREE
*Tomorrow Almost Famous @ Rumsey Playfield, 8pm, FREE
Tomorrow Vixen (Rebecca Turbow's party) @ Orchard Bar, open vodka 11-12, FREE
*Tomorrow Shithammered / We Bite @ Happy Ending, FREE
*Wed 8.24 The Double + Tomorrow’s Friend @ South Street Seaport, 7pm, FREE
Wed 8.24 Marathon Man @ Rumsey Playfield, 8pm, FREE
Wed 8.24 Dazed & Confused @ Pier 54, dusk, FREE
*Wed 8.24 Rush w/ Cut Boys @ Sub-Tonic (107 Norfolk), 10pm, FREE
*Wed 8.24 Bang @ China 1, FREE
Wed 8.24 Bust @ Boys Room, FREE
*Thur 8.25 Rumble On The River (boxing!) @ Pier 54, 7:30pm, FREE
*Thur 8.25 Stylofone @ Pussycat Lounge, 11pm, $5
Thur 8.25 Motor Inn @ Motor City (127 Ludlow), FREE
Fri 8.26 The Muppets Take Manhatten @ Rumsey Playfield, 8pm, FREE
Fri 8.26 Jonathan Ames @ Mo Pitkins (34 Ave A), 9:30pm, $12
Fri 8.26 Stolen Transmission w/ Omri Shellef @ Orchard Bar, FREE
*Fri 8.26 Crashin’ In @ Supreme Trading (213 N 8th), FREE
***Sat 8.27 Of Montreal + MGMT @ Northsix (66 N 6th St, Wburg), 9pm, $12
And go see MGMT on 8.27. Their act is going to surprise the listening masses - let's say some key words include "uniforms", "large stage set", "virtuoso guitar", "hot dance beats", and "I'm going to be there dropping booty like the pimps in the crib, ma."
So, go ahead and enjoy the last vestiges of summer with the last vestiges of your paid internship.
Tonight Jaws @ Bryant Park, seating 5pm, FREE
Tonight The Baxter @ Chelsea Clearview (260 W 23rd), 7pm, FREE w/ RSVP
Tonight Monday Night Meditations @ 29 W 14th St Rm 508, 7pm, FREE
*Tonight Thrift On! @ Botanica Bar (47 E Houston btw Mott / Mulberry), 9pm, FREE
*Tonight Retail Mafia @ Sway (305 Spring), FREE
Tonight Degeneration @ Scenic, FREE
Tomorrow Bret Easton Ellis @ Coliseum Books (11 W 42nd St), 6:30pm, FREE
*Tomorrow Almost Famous @ Rumsey Playfield, 8pm, FREE
Tomorrow Vixen (Rebecca Turbow's party) @ Orchard Bar, open vodka 11-12, FREE
*Tomorrow Shithammered / We Bite @ Happy Ending, FREE
*Wed 8.24 The Double + Tomorrow’s Friend @ South Street Seaport, 7pm, FREE
Wed 8.24 Marathon Man @ Rumsey Playfield, 8pm, FREE
Wed 8.24 Dazed & Confused @ Pier 54, dusk, FREE
*Wed 8.24 Rush w/ Cut Boys @ Sub-Tonic (107 Norfolk), 10pm, FREE
*Wed 8.24 Bang @ China 1, FREE
Wed 8.24 Bust @ Boys Room, FREE
*Thur 8.25 Rumble On The River (boxing!) @ Pier 54, 7:30pm, FREE
*Thur 8.25 Stylofone @ Pussycat Lounge, 11pm, $5
Thur 8.25 Motor Inn @ Motor City (127 Ludlow), FREE
Fri 8.26 The Muppets Take Manhatten @ Rumsey Playfield, 8pm, FREE
Fri 8.26 Jonathan Ames @ Mo Pitkins (34 Ave A), 9:30pm, $12
Fri 8.26 Stolen Transmission w/ Omri Shellef @ Orchard Bar, FREE
*Fri 8.26 Crashin’ In @ Supreme Trading (213 N 8th), FREE
***Sat 8.27 Of Montreal + MGMT @ Northsix (66 N 6th St, Wburg), 9pm, $12
Items of Interest
Beautiful / Decay is a sweet culture drudge magazine. Skwak, the French artist who did the cover art for MGMT's upcoming EP, has done a ton of design work for them, including the whole cover of Issue J. Their online store is pretty sick. They carry dinosaur shirts, two robot shirts, and they used to carry this puking monster doll by Skwak but it sold out.Speaking of stylish wares, my sweet pee is a faucet-like appendage that allows women to pee standing up. Great idea, but apparently it rolls up to fit in your bag (ew?). The illustrated instructions for use on the website are priceless.
I live in New York because...
...unlike Switzerland, it isn't Middle Earth. Yes, the mighty Unspunnen Stone has once again been stolen from Interlaken. The theft seems to be an attempt to thwart the efforts of the Prussian Swiss to observe the annual Unspunnen Festival, an event which includes Alphorn playing, lederhosen wrestling, yodelling, and a competition in which giants and ogres pick up the collossal stone and throw it as far as they are able, in hopes of winning the hand of a fair maiden. The group responsible for the theft, a separatist movement called Belier from the neighboring Francophone region of Jura, issued a statement saying: "It is obvious the Unspunnen stone is again in Jurassian hands." The king has hired the services of a mage, who has cast a deep sleep spell over the kingdom until a prince can seize the stone from the dark forrests of Jura, and return it safely to the pedestal on which it stood.
...at least our alligators live in the sewers. In LA, on the other hand, an alligator has taken up residency in Harbor Park, and not only has it alluded the alligator wrangler hired by the city to capture it, but it has garnered local support. Local residents are hanging lakeside in hopes of catching a glimpse of "Harbor Park Harry", and have also taken to feeding the gator and selling Tshirts with alligator logos. No word yet from La Coste on the legal repurcussions of this. According to the BBC, visitors have been feeding him "tortillas, French bread, and dougnuts" - one of many recent signs of Atkins backlash.
In other news: Dr. Robert Moog passed away this past weekend at age 71. Apparently, the first electronic instrument he ever built was a theramin, but he invented the MiniMoog - "the first compact, easy-to-use synthesizer" - in 1970, forever changing the face of music and the genre descriptions of Pitchfork reviewers.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Classifieds
Fresh off SF craigslist: The best job offer ever? Shovel manure and get paid in...manure.
Physical Activity/Gardeners Sought for Horse Manure Collective (santa cruz)
Reply to: anon-92120168@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-19, 11:28AM PDT
Would you be willing to shovel two truckloads of horse manure in return for the second truck load to be delivered to your garden? I have a line on some well aged manure and have truck but need a second shoveler. My friend (whose horses they are) will provide the truck and help shovel, and I can shovel, but we need a couple more shovelers. Manure is in Bonny Doon, and I am on the Westside.
Also: This one is cool. I like how she thinks. In fact, this should be a reality show. Whoever has the most dramatic life with the steamiest lezzie encounters wins a book deal. And I'm trying to imagine what could possibly be wrong with her family to make them dysfunctional in so many areas. Amputees with tourettes? Manic depressive parapalegics? Impotent midgets? Discuss.
My Life
Reply to: mjenkins@trumpmortgage.org
Date: 2005-08-16, 9:17PM EDT
I would like to pen a book on how had grew up in an emotionally, physically and mentally dysfunctional family, had 4 children and became a single mom, picked up and moved to New york wit $7.00 and a bag of clothes and fell in love with a woman. I feel my story is very interesting and people would love to hear or read it.
Physical Activity/Gardeners Sought for Horse Manure Collective (santa cruz)
Reply to: anon-92120168@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-19, 11:28AM PDT
Would you be willing to shovel two truckloads of horse manure in return for the second truck load to be delivered to your garden? I have a line on some well aged manure and have truck but need a second shoveler. My friend (whose horses they are) will provide the truck and help shovel, and I can shovel, but we need a couple more shovelers. Manure is in Bonny Doon, and I am on the Westside.
Also: This one is cool. I like how she thinks. In fact, this should be a reality show. Whoever has the most dramatic life with the steamiest lezzie encounters wins a book deal. And I'm trying to imagine what could possibly be wrong with her family to make them dysfunctional in so many areas. Amputees with tourettes? Manic depressive parapalegics? Impotent midgets? Discuss.
My Life
Reply to: mjenkins@trumpmortgage.org
Date: 2005-08-16, 9:17PM EDT
I would like to pen a book on how had grew up in an emotionally, physically and mentally dysfunctional family, had 4 children and became a single mom, picked up and moved to New york wit $7.00 and a bag of clothes and fell in love with a woman. I feel my story is very interesting and people would love to hear or read it.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Motherfucking YES!
Yes! I am so excited. I am so excited.
The MGMT site is finally up. The MGMT site is finally up! THE MGMT SITE IS FINALLY UP!
Actually, this is upstart label Cantora's site, the folks who helped put out this record - but it's MGMT's first web presence, which is awesome. There are two sample songs from their amazing upcoming EP, Time To Pretend. "Destrokk" is unlike any other MGMT (nee Management) song you've ever heard - Andrew's gritty vocals are so goddamn great on it, but you probably won't recognize his voice. And "Time To Pretend" is probably my favorite song of the past year. It sounds like a ruthless summer. It sounds like being fucking young. The EP has been on repeat in my iPod for literally a month, I cannot wait until everyone gets to hear it in its entirety.
Also on the site: album art, and a link to their tour dates with psych pop supergroup Of Montreal.
YES!
The MGMT site is finally up. The MGMT site is finally up! THE MGMT SITE IS FINALLY UP!
Actually, this is upstart label Cantora's site, the folks who helped put out this record - but it's MGMT's first web presence, which is awesome. There are two sample songs from their amazing upcoming EP, Time To Pretend. "Destrokk" is unlike any other MGMT (nee Management) song you've ever heard - Andrew's gritty vocals are so goddamn great on it, but you probably won't recognize his voice. And "Time To Pretend" is probably my favorite song of the past year. It sounds like a ruthless summer. It sounds like being fucking young. The EP has been on repeat in my iPod for literally a month, I cannot wait until everyone gets to hear it in its entirety.
Also on the site: album art, and a link to their tour dates with psych pop supergroup Of Montreal.
YES!
PS
ASSSCAT, the consistantly hilarious UCB Theater improv show featuring the original members of Upright Citizens Brigade - Amy Poehler, Matt Walsh, Matt Besser, and Ian Roberts - is going to be aired on Bravo. Is that weird to anyone else?Maybe, but not as weird as this ad for a Tori Amos show, which looks more like an ad for Bratz.
Coming soon on the fucking weird list: the plans for Hunter Thompson's funeral...
Unusually Personal Entry
Last night was awesome. Craig was in town (picture to follow), and we went to a panel of artist managers at Pianos. It was actually really engaging, and the two hours passed quickly. After the show there was shmooze time, and of course Brandon Schmidt (manager Interpol) was surrounded by musicians throwing demos at his face. He seems like a great manager and an approachable guy. I had a chat with Morningwood's manager Eddie, who strikes me as a friendly, sharp guy with his head on his shoulders, and judging by Morningwood's impressive press coverage, a great manager as well.
Then Craig and I walked to dinner, and ran into guitar god Simon O'Connor of Brooklyn-based arena rock outfit Stylofone. He informed me that they're playing a Vice party in two weeks, and have an upcoming residency at Sin-e. Kick ass. And good on them for self-managing the shit out of their band.
Two blocks later I ran into Kim (watch out for her on the upcoming season of America's Next Top Model), with some other friends from school. It's such a good feeling to run into quality people who make me excited about life and youth. Then Craig and I had Ethiopian food at Ghenet (YUM), and went to hang out on the roof of my dad's studio building and stare at New York. There is a quality of New York at night that is so teeming and quiet, so full of post-apocolyptic optimism. Sometimes I feel like some yokle from Utah when everything is lit up. You know in those musicals where the con-artist manager tries to lure some poor sap from the sticks to be his Broadway performer? He puts his arm around the guy's shoulders, smooths one hand out over an imaginary horizon, and says, "Think of it - the people - the lights!" The lights! That's how it felt last night to look at New York.
And then, just so Craig could get a taste of it, we went to Bang, Bust, and this bizarre party at Uncle Ming's which is apparently run by a bunch of skaters and opened a couple months back. There was a good mixed crowd, with dirty south blaring deep bass when we first walk in - which was abruptly cut in half an hour later by (who else?) The Smiths; for some reason, Meghan and I seemed to be the only ones in the room who wanted to dance...
See you out tonight, somewhere (see below).
Then Craig and I walked to dinner, and ran into guitar god Simon O'Connor of Brooklyn-based arena rock outfit Stylofone. He informed me that they're playing a Vice party in two weeks, and have an upcoming residency at Sin-e. Kick ass. And good on them for self-managing the shit out of their band.
Two blocks later I ran into Kim (watch out for her on the upcoming season of America's Next Top Model), with some other friends from school. It's such a good feeling to run into quality people who make me excited about life and youth. Then Craig and I had Ethiopian food at Ghenet (YUM), and went to hang out on the roof of my dad's studio building and stare at New York. There is a quality of New York at night that is so teeming and quiet, so full of post-apocolyptic optimism. Sometimes I feel like some yokle from Utah when everything is lit up. You know in those musicals where the con-artist manager tries to lure some poor sap from the sticks to be his Broadway performer? He puts his arm around the guy's shoulders, smooths one hand out over an imaginary horizon, and says, "Think of it - the people - the lights!" The lights! That's how it felt last night to look at New York.
And then, just so Craig could get a taste of it, we went to Bang, Bust, and this bizarre party at Uncle Ming's which is apparently run by a bunch of skaters and opened a couple months back. There was a good mixed crowd, with dirty south blaring deep bass when we first walk in - which was abruptly cut in half an hour later by (who else?) The Smiths; for some reason, Meghan and I seemed to be the only ones in the room who wanted to dance...
See you out tonight, somewhere (see below).
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Unfinished Event List 8.17.05
Note: I’m deeply sorry that I: a) didn’t list; b) didn’t attend; the APT movie night last night, which featured not only Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead 2, but also Driller, the porn flick based on Michael Jackson’s Thriller. My loss and yours.
But here's a catch: sale at Cake Shop until tomorrow night – 15% off all used records, CD’s, 8-tracks, cassettes, and free beer or wine with any new CD vinyl purchase of $10 or more. And if you miss out on that, you MUST check out the record store on Essex btw. Rivington / Delancey. The organization is awful but there are so goddamn many good finds. "Sticky Fingers" for $2 (with the zipper!)!
Now then...asterixes mean I may turn up....
*Tonight Manager Panel @ Pianos, 7-9pm, $10
Tonight Cindy Sheehan candlelight vigil @ Straus Park (106th Bway), 7:30pm, FREE
Tonight Smoosh + Narchitect @ Knitting Factory, 8pm, $15
*Tonight Urb Presents B-Side Sessions party @ Joe’s Pub, 11pm, FREE w/ RSVP
*Tonight Bang! @ China 1, FREE, open bar 10-11pm
*Tonight Bust @ Boys Room
Tonight Popular (punk night) @ Royal Oak, FREE $1 beer, $3 jack shots.
Tonight James F*cking Friedman @ Opus 22, 10pm, FREE
Tomorrow SSBX (music + Grease) @ Manida Ballfields, 5pm, FREE
Tomorrow Travis Tanner (awesome play) @ SoHo Playhouse, 5:15pm, $15
Tomorrow Decemberists + Death Cab @ Central Park, 7pm, $30
Tomorrow Holly Golightly + TraLaLa @ Mercury Lounge, 8:30pm, $19
*Tomorrow King of France + Grand Buffet @ Southpaw, 9pm, $10 adv*
Tomorrow Madison + Living Things + many more @ Delancey, FREE (flyer)
Tomorrow Le One Night Stand / Puffy AmiYumi! @ Beauty Bar, 10pm, FREE w/ RSVP
Tomorrow Phys Ed @ Morrisey Park, open bar 10:30-11:30pm, FREE
Fri 8.19 Musical Mice / Fantasia @ Film Society, 6 / 8:15 pm, $10 each
Fri 8.19 Kill Bill Vol I-II double feature @ MoMA, 6 / 8:15pm, FREE w/ adv. tickets
*Fri 8.19 Beautiful/Decay release @ Tribeca Cinemas, 9pm, $5 plus RSVP
Fri 8.19 Grand Buffet @ Knitting Factory, 11:30pm, $12
*Fri. 8.19 No Posers - special guest Ed Helms @ UCB Theater, midnite, FREE
*Fri 8.19 Stolen Transmission @ Orchard Bar (200 Orchard St), FREE
Fri 8.19 Trash @ Rififi (11th btw 2nd/1st), FREE
Fri 8.19 Aktion @ Lit (2nd Ave btw 5th/6th), FREE, open Vodka Red Bull 12-1!
*Sat 8.20 Mahi Mahi + Goodnight Gunfight @ Cake Shop, 9pm, $5-8?
But here's a catch: sale at Cake Shop until tomorrow night – 15% off all used records, CD’s, 8-tracks, cassettes, and free beer or wine with any new CD vinyl purchase of $10 or more. And if you miss out on that, you MUST check out the record store on Essex btw. Rivington / Delancey. The organization is awful but there are so goddamn many good finds. "Sticky Fingers" for $2 (with the zipper!)!
Now then...asterixes mean I may turn up....
*Tonight Manager Panel @ Pianos, 7-9pm, $10
Tonight Cindy Sheehan candlelight vigil @ Straus Park (106th Bway), 7:30pm, FREE
Tonight Smoosh + Narchitect @ Knitting Factory, 8pm, $15
*Tonight Urb Presents B-Side Sessions party @ Joe’s Pub, 11pm, FREE w/ RSVP
*Tonight Bang! @ China 1, FREE, open bar 10-11pm
*Tonight Bust @ Boys Room
Tonight Popular (punk night) @ Royal Oak, FREE $1 beer, $3 jack shots.
Tonight James F*cking Friedman @ Opus 22, 10pm, FREE
Tomorrow SSBX (music + Grease) @ Manida Ballfields, 5pm, FREE
Tomorrow Travis Tanner (awesome play) @ SoHo Playhouse, 5:15pm, $15
Tomorrow Decemberists + Death Cab @ Central Park, 7pm, $30
Tomorrow Holly Golightly + TraLaLa @ Mercury Lounge, 8:30pm, $19
*Tomorrow King of France + Grand Buffet @ Southpaw, 9pm, $10 adv*
Tomorrow Madison + Living Things + many more @ Delancey, FREE (flyer)
Tomorrow Le One Night Stand / Puffy AmiYumi! @ Beauty Bar, 10pm, FREE w/ RSVP
Tomorrow Phys Ed @ Morrisey Park, open bar 10:30-11:30pm, FREE
Fri 8.19 Musical Mice / Fantasia @ Film Society, 6 / 8:15 pm, $10 each
Fri 8.19 Kill Bill Vol I-II double feature @ MoMA, 6 / 8:15pm, FREE w/ adv. tickets
*Fri 8.19 Beautiful/Decay release @ Tribeca Cinemas, 9pm, $5 plus RSVP
Fri 8.19 Grand Buffet @ Knitting Factory, 11:30pm, $12
*Fri. 8.19 No Posers - special guest Ed Helms @ UCB Theater, midnite, FREE
*Fri 8.19 Stolen Transmission @ Orchard Bar (200 Orchard St), FREE
Fri 8.19 Trash @ Rififi (11th btw 2nd/1st), FREE
Fri 8.19 Aktion @ Lit (2nd Ave btw 5th/6th), FREE, open Vodka Red Bull 12-1!
*Sat 8.20 Mahi Mahi + Goodnight Gunfight @ Cake Shop, 9pm, $5-8?
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
PS
Sufjan Stevens has sold out five nights in a row at the Bowery Ballroom. Feel the Illinoise indeed.
Killer Grannies, Zombie Dogs
In case you forgot, the world is declining into a pile of diet food, evil, and ugliness - collapsing like a flan in a cupboard, as Eddie Izzard says. If you were feeling up about life, get your head out of your ass and read on...
Forget diet food - just open wide and spritz some Flavor Spray on your tongue. New York chef David Burke, who obviously has nothing but contempt for the culinary arts and his fellow man, is marketing the Flavor Spray Diet. Go here to read more about the product, or to find Flavor Spray recipes like Flavor Spray Cauliflower Smashed, which "tastes just like Parmesan Potatoes!" By far the most nauseating concoction is Flavor Spray Whipped Topping - just 1/2 cup whipped cream with 2 sprays of Chocolate Fudge Spray, and 2 sprays of Cookies And Cream Spray. The website suggests you mix this with Root Beer Spray, and drop the whole mess into "diet chocolate flavored soda", which exists, apparently. Slurp!
Plans to create a virtual red light district with a "dot-xxx" URL tag have been delayed by the Bush administration, which sites concerns that this sort of tag might encourage more porn on the net. My sources tell me that Bush himself was concerned about the confusing "xxx" and "www" binary. He was overheard in conversation with a friend saying, "You could easily put the 'xxx' first, and the 'www' last. Or just put in the 'xxx' at the end by mistake. Because you thought it was 'www.' The same way you can easily type in "giant horse dick" when you meant to write "horse back riding lessons." I know I could make that mistake, especially if it were late at night or in the wee hours of the morning. That's a mistake any child could make."
Mobility scooters were the cause of 8 deaths and thousands of injuries last year in the UK; Bob Russell, Liberal Democrat MP for Colchester, reminds the BBC that these numbers are "not to be sneezed at."
Tale of Two Cities featured a story about the World's Ugliest Dog contest in (where else?) LA. To follow up, I have a small portrait gallery of Sam, the zombie hell-dog who won. This thing is ALIVE. Sometimes he chews his left foot. Click the pictures to see them full-size.
Forget diet food - just open wide and spritz some Flavor Spray on your tongue. New York chef David Burke, who obviously has nothing but contempt for the culinary arts and his fellow man, is marketing the Flavor Spray Diet. Go here to read more about the product, or to find Flavor Spray recipes like Flavor Spray Cauliflower Smashed, which "tastes just like Parmesan Potatoes!" By far the most nauseating concoction is Flavor Spray Whipped Topping - just 1/2 cup whipped cream with 2 sprays of Chocolate Fudge Spray, and 2 sprays of Cookies And Cream Spray. The website suggests you mix this with Root Beer Spray, and drop the whole mess into "diet chocolate flavored soda", which exists, apparently. Slurp!
Plans to create a virtual red light district with a "dot-xxx" URL tag have been delayed by the Bush administration, which sites concerns that this sort of tag might encourage more porn on the net. My sources tell me that Bush himself was concerned about the confusing "xxx" and "www" binary. He was overheard in conversation with a friend saying, "You could easily put the 'xxx' first, and the 'www' last. Or just put in the 'xxx' at the end by mistake. Because you thought it was 'www.' The same way you can easily type in "giant horse dick" when you meant to write "horse back riding lessons." I know I could make that mistake, especially if it were late at night or in the wee hours of the morning. That's a mistake any child could make."
Mobility scooters were the cause of 8 deaths and thousands of injuries last year in the UK; Bob Russell, Liberal Democrat MP for Colchester, reminds the BBC that these numbers are "not to be sneezed at."
Tale of Two Cities featured a story about the World's Ugliest Dog contest in (where else?) LA. To follow up, I have a small portrait gallery of Sam, the zombie hell-dog who won. This thing is ALIVE. Sometimes he chews his left foot. Click the pictures to see them full-size.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Drugs
This is not meant as an anti-drug rant, because that would be unbelievably hypocritical of me. But, the recent death of Mellie, a visible resident of the nightlife, has freaked me out considerably, and I'm in a period of reflection.
Kate directed me to this NY Times article about the connection between cocaine use and coronary aneurysm. The findings show that 30.4% of cocaine users suffer them later in life, versus 7.6% of non-users. According to the article, risk is particularly apparent in those who use once a week or more. Coronary aneurysms increase risk of heart attack and stroke, and can also rupture some main blood vessels, causing sudden death.
Mellie was 18, a student at NYU, who frequented parties like MisShapes and Bust. On Friday, she was found unconscious in an LES apartment, and died at the hospital of a drug overdose. Which drug hasn't been clarified yet. The full story is here. DJ Jess of Trash and Bust posted the following on myspace:
"A wake will be held tonight (Monday) and tomorrow (Tuesday) morning, with a funeral procession after Tuesday's wake. I've listed the details below, and anyone who's interested or wants to know more, please don't be shy about calling me. Mellie meant a great deal to me, and to many others as well, and it would be a lovely gesture for all of us to attend the services and show her family just how much she was loved and will be missed. Jess 646-298-8666 The wake will be held at: Frank E Campbell Funeral Home (81st & Madison)Monday 6pm - 9pm, and Tuesday 9AM-12PM with funeral procession afterwards to Westchester. Please get in touch if you would like to attend the funeral but need transportation or can offer it! Thank you."
Kate directed me to this NY Times article about the connection between cocaine use and coronary aneurysm. The findings show that 30.4% of cocaine users suffer them later in life, versus 7.6% of non-users. According to the article, risk is particularly apparent in those who use once a week or more. Coronary aneurysms increase risk of heart attack and stroke, and can also rupture some main blood vessels, causing sudden death.
Mellie was 18, a student at NYU, who frequented parties like MisShapes and Bust. On Friday, she was found unconscious in an LES apartment, and died at the hospital of a drug overdose. Which drug hasn't been clarified yet. The full story is here. DJ Jess of Trash and Bust posted the following on myspace:
"A wake will be held tonight (Monday) and tomorrow (Tuesday) morning, with a funeral procession after Tuesday's wake. I've listed the details below, and anyone who's interested or wants to know more, please don't be shy about calling me. Mellie meant a great deal to me, and to many others as well, and it would be a lovely gesture for all of us to attend the services and show her family just how much she was loved and will be missed. Jess 646-298-8666 The wake will be held at: Frank E Campbell Funeral Home (81st & Madison)Monday 6pm - 9pm, and Tuesday 9AM-12PM with funeral procession afterwards to Westchester. Please get in touch if you would like to attend the funeral but need transportation or can offer it! Thank you."
To The Max
I like when people I know do things.
Max and Dan are always doing things. They just started their production company, and they're going to start pushing Max's amazing short film Kinetescope. You can peep his movie soon at the New Haven short film festival.
Desira Pesta, a lovely Syracuse alum and general good Joe, screen prints Tshirts. She's good at it. My favorites are the pretty ones with dancers.
Monkeytown is not going to be open until (maybe) Sept. 1. This is a shame, because I know Kiss Me Kate is dying to reserve a table, sample their seasonal menu items, and see the new spread. And I know I am too. Bummertown.
As reported by the New York Times (for some reason), Fiona Apple's new website went live today. Apparently, Epic just looooooves "Extraordinary Machine." According to the Times, the new album will "place Ms. Apple and her label, Epic Records, in the unusual position of watching how fans and critics judge her new release against the leaked versions of her earlier recordings of the same songs." In another high-risk gamble, the new website proudly offers a contest to 'Go see Fiona Apple live!' Considering her track record in New York alone - storming offstage at a Rock The Vote benefit, spazzing onstage and off at Roseland - this contest could be even more hit-or-miss than the album release.
Managing MGMT has been completely awesome. These boys are fucking genius. It's amazing to see Andrew's handwritten lyrics with hardly any strikethrough or correction. The lyrics just seem to come to him. Awesome. Can't wait for the new site to go up!!
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Critical Tits
Critical Tits is an event I listed this week. Sounds like it's either: a legit protest about a semi-serious and conveniently picturesque issue; a bunch of alums from my college getting together to defend something that doesn't actually bother anyone; a bunch of college guys trying to see how many women they can dupe into showing their titties while they watch and laugh from Tavern on the Green. Below is the transcript of the Craigslist listing; decide for yourself:In the wake of the false arrest of
OUR SISTER,
Who after refusing to cover her chest was hauled off to jail, and to protest the physical misconduct she endured as she practiced Civil Disobedience by the ones we pay to protect and serve, the very body they harmed.
Let us come together...
Boy, girl, man, woman, and "hu-person"...
Come one, Come all...
Come topless and have a ball,
At Central Park On Sunday, August 14th 2005
Beginning at 2 p.m. at Tavern on the Green
We will begin to bike and blade ending where and when we feel like it!
So please bring all your CRITICAL TITS, and the rest of you too...
In order to demonstrate our right to bare our chest
Boy, girl, man, woman, and "hu-person".
Please let everyone know and encourage all to attend so we can collectively heighten the awareness that it is a man's as well as a woman's right to bare her chest in NYC. This will empower women to bare their breast if and when they feel like it by allowing those who are presently unaware to become conscious of their "hu-person's" rights. Let us also hope it will further educate NYC cops on the laws we pay them to enforce so that the number of brothers and sisters whom everyday face false arrest will decline. So there will never be another Republican Convention where massive groups of our fellow “hu-persons” are falsely arrested and where many faced physical misconduct by police officials. Let us ride for those arrested that day, 90% of who have already been acquitted and for the remainder who await their acquittal.
Let us ride topless to demonstrate to other states that it is every "hu-person's" legal right to go shirtless in NYC and should be every "hu-person's" legal right everywhere. Let us begin...This symbol of inequality between the sexes has been accepted as the social-norm for too long. It will no longer go unnoticed. Women have been restricted physically everyday in most cultures, and it is up to us to take our power back. Take it back. We have been shamed for nursing in public and criticized for exercising the same rights as a man. Let us begin to manifest our equality on all levels including our physical right to expose our chests.
Let us end this symbol of INEQUALITY BETWEEN THE SEXES.
Let us begin again...
If you will: Bring permanent markers so we can write on our bodies the law (penal code 245.1). The cops are obviously unaware that the right for a woman to go topless in NYC was recently passed and need to be schooled by us this Sunday. We will also write over each other's bodies words like Legal Rights, Equality, and any other phrases that work, like FREE 'DEM.
Let us ride...
Friday, August 12, 2005
Last minute reminders
also tonight:
Stolen Transmission @ Orchard Bar
Hot Fuckin' Pink @ Scenic
and this??
Stolen Transmission @ Orchard Bar
Hot Fuckin' Pink @ Scenic
and this??
Monster Event List 8.12.05
There's actually a lot going on this weekend besides the outlandishly hilarious fact that My Chemical Romance's Warped afterparty is at MisShapes, and the probability that I am going to dress up as Gerard Way to cause a galactic collapse (or maybe just to talk about Preacher with him - he apparently likes Preacher - did I say we're the same person?? Hahahahaha...). Yeah, there's a ton of other stuff going on - Fringe Festival, whatnot - but nothing as good as that. That's really the ultimate. That said, here we are, asterixes mean I could show...
And PS: What's the likelihood that a) I sign up for a $20 welding class and b) another organization offers a free welding class that weekend? Fuck karma. Make sure to see Barry McGee this weekend; last chance. I'm out.
Tonight The Misfits @ CBGB, 7pm, $30
*Tonight Books Through Bars BBQ @ ABC No Rio, 7pm, $5
Tonight Critical Mass BBQ @ Grand Army Plaza, Bkln, 7pm, FREE
Tonight Globesonic party @ 68 St Riverside Park Pier, 7pm, FREE
*Tonight Quiet City / Quiet Disco @ Stain Bar (766 Grand, Wburg), 7pm-2am, $5
Tonight Fireworks @ Coney Island Beach, 9:30pm, FREE
*Tonight Mort A L'aube w/ ARE Weapons @ Crobar (28th btw 10/11 Aves), 10pm, FREE w/ RSVP
*Tomorrow Girls Rock Camp Showcase @ Ethical Culture (64th / CPW), $5
*Tomorrow Paintball By Numbers w/ Guns Fire Mayhem @ Flux Factory, 8pm, FREE
Tomorrow The Silver Scream Spook Show @ Coney Island Museum, 8pm doors, $5
Tomorrow Knife Skills @ Rockys, 8pm, TBA
Tomorrow The Oxford Collapse @ Glasshouse, 8pm, TBA
Tomorrow Haunted Pussy Attack B&Ters @ Ludlow St, FREE
*Tomorrow Giant Drag @ Pianos, 8:30pm, $8
Tomorrow Mobius Band + Charles Bissel (Wrens) @ secret, 10pm, FREE
*Tomorrow Diplo + Catchdubs @ Knitting Factory, 10pm, $12
*Tomorrow MisShapes feat. My Chemical Romance @ Luke + Leroy
*Sun 8.14 Critical Tits Right To Bare Chest Protest @ 67th CPW, 2pm, FREE
*Mon 8.15 Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? @ Bryant Park, seating 5pm, FREE
*Mon 8.15 Kimya Dawson @ Scenic, 7pm, $8
*Mon 8.15 Divination Class @ 16 Beaver St, 4th / 5th floor, 7:30pm, FREE
Wed 8.17 Manager Panel @ Pianos, 7-9pm, FREE
*Wed 8.17 Smoosh + Narchitect @ Knitting Factory, 8pm, $12 adv
Thur 8.18 Decemberists + Death Cab @ Central Park, 7pm, $30
Thur 8.18 Holly Golightly + TraLaLa @ Mercury Lounge, 8:30pm, $19
Thur 8.18 King of France + Grand Buffet @ Southpaw, 9pm, $10 adv
*Thur 8.18 Madison + Living Things @ Delancey, 8pm, FREE
And PS: What's the likelihood that a) I sign up for a $20 welding class and b) another organization offers a free welding class that weekend? Fuck karma. Make sure to see Barry McGee this weekend; last chance. I'm out.
Tonight The Misfits @ CBGB, 7pm, $30
*Tonight Books Through Bars BBQ @ ABC No Rio, 7pm, $5
Tonight Critical Mass BBQ @ Grand Army Plaza, Bkln, 7pm, FREE
Tonight Globesonic party @ 68 St Riverside Park Pier, 7pm, FREE
*Tonight Quiet City / Quiet Disco @ Stain Bar (766 Grand, Wburg), 7pm-2am, $5
Tonight Fireworks @ Coney Island Beach, 9:30pm, FREE
*Tonight Mort A L'aube w/ ARE Weapons @ Crobar (28th btw 10/11 Aves), 10pm, FREE w/ RSVP
*Tomorrow Girls Rock Camp Showcase @ Ethical Culture (64th / CPW), $5
*Tomorrow Paintball By Numbers w/ Guns Fire Mayhem @ Flux Factory, 8pm, FREE
Tomorrow The Silver Scream Spook Show @ Coney Island Museum, 8pm doors, $5
Tomorrow Knife Skills @ Rockys, 8pm, TBA
Tomorrow The Oxford Collapse @ Glasshouse, 8pm, TBA
Tomorrow Haunted Pussy Attack B&Ters @ Ludlow St, FREE
*Tomorrow Giant Drag @ Pianos, 8:30pm, $8
Tomorrow Mobius Band + Charles Bissel (Wrens) @ secret, 10pm, FREE
*Tomorrow Diplo + Catchdubs @ Knitting Factory, 10pm, $12
*Tomorrow MisShapes feat. My Chemical Romance @ Luke + Leroy
*Sun 8.14 Critical Tits Right To Bare Chest Protest @ 67th CPW, 2pm, FREE
*Mon 8.15 Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? @ Bryant Park, seating 5pm, FREE
*Mon 8.15 Kimya Dawson @ Scenic, 7pm, $8
*Mon 8.15 Divination Class @ 16 Beaver St, 4th / 5th floor, 7:30pm, FREE
Wed 8.17 Manager Panel @ Pianos, 7-9pm, FREE
*Wed 8.17 Smoosh + Narchitect @ Knitting Factory, 8pm, $12 adv
Thur 8.18 Decemberists + Death Cab @ Central Park, 7pm, $30
Thur 8.18 Holly Golightly + TraLaLa @ Mercury Lounge, 8:30pm, $19
Thur 8.18 King of France + Grand Buffet @ Southpaw, 9pm, $10 adv
*Thur 8.18 Madison + Living Things @ Delancey, 8pm, FREE
So Long And Goodnight!!
Oh my shit. No way My Chemical Romance are having their WARPed afterparty at MisShapes. Ah hahahaha. One question: When I meet Gerard Way, is the universe going to explode because we are THE SAME FUCKING PERSON?? New York never stops entertaining me.
West Banksy
Even if his politics are iffy and trendy, I've got to admit Banksy is a great guerilla artist. His latest stunt, spray painting idyllic scenes on the wall in the West Bank, does create a memorable image. And calling it "the ultimate activity holiday destination for graffiti writers" is genius. Not to bite off Ultra (again)...Peep the full story and more pictures here.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Urban Contraception
New York is rapidly being taken over by the same religious fanatics and capitalist heavyweights who own the rest of the country. The funny thing is, no one visits those backwoods shithole areas, and all those people come to New York. Don't they realize that they are their own worst enemies?
So where to go when the Lower East Side finally becomes is a strip mall full of pregnant teenagers?
The same place we've all been dreaming of since November, where the streets are paved with National health care and the pot grows on trees.
Or should I say: La ville dont nous avions rêvé depuis novembre, où les rues sont pavées avec des fleurs d'assurance de la Sécurité sociale et de marijuana sur des arbres.
C'est vrais...
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Prettyprettyprettypretty....
The video for Ladytron's new single "Destroy Everything You Touch" is beautiful - one of the first successful video manifestations of the delicate, floral aesthetic that's so prevalent in web and graphic design nowadays. Plus the song is super good. Thanks Kate!
The video for 33Hz's "Hot Flashes" is just rad. The song is a fun disco-funk revival dance number. It's a laser-effect ridden 80's video spinoff, but somehow very elegantly done, and aesthetically delicious. And that frontman knows how to shake his ahz.
The video for 33Hz's "Hot Flashes" is just rad. The song is a fun disco-funk revival dance number. It's a laser-effect ridden 80's video spinoff, but somehow very elegantly done, and aesthetically delicious. And that frontman knows how to shake his ahz.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Free the Smack
Let me preface this with: Hahahahahahahahahahaha.....
If you haven't heard yet, hip hop station Hot 97 is being "smacked" (aaah-hahaha) with a $240,000 fine for their "SmackFest", a competition that aired between April 2004 and January 2005, in which mostly female contestants volunteered to smack each other in the face progressively harder until one of them surrendered. According to the Daily News, Hot 97 is also required to donate $60,000 to Safe Horizon, an anti-violence non-profit, for it's "brutish gimmick." This story is doubly enjoyable because of the subtle shades of meaning in the competition's name. But here's a question: when is VICE going to get in the shit for its black guy vs. white guy drinking-and-puking competition? Or its narcotics taste tests? How about Jackass? Is that "brutish" too? Or is this just another example of the white man trying to keep a brother down? To protest the continued racist condemnation of Hot 97's programming, I and some like-minded citizens plan to plant ourselves in front of Eliot Sptizer's office and stage our own voluntary SmackFest - only this time, it's called SmackFreedom. Speakers and a Smack Circle are also on the schedule. Full SmackFest story here.
If you haven't heard yet, hip hop station Hot 97 is being "smacked" (aaah-hahaha) with a $240,000 fine for their "SmackFest", a competition that aired between April 2004 and January 2005, in which mostly female contestants volunteered to smack each other in the face progressively harder until one of them surrendered. According to the Daily News, Hot 97 is also required to donate $60,000 to Safe Horizon, an anti-violence non-profit, for it's "brutish gimmick." This story is doubly enjoyable because of the subtle shades of meaning in the competition's name. But here's a question: when is VICE going to get in the shit for its black guy vs. white guy drinking-and-puking competition? Or its narcotics taste tests? How about Jackass? Is that "brutish" too? Or is this just another example of the white man trying to keep a brother down? To protest the continued racist condemnation of Hot 97's programming, I and some like-minded citizens plan to plant ourselves in front of Eliot Sptizer's office and stage our own voluntary SmackFest - only this time, it's called SmackFreedom. Speakers and a Smack Circle are also on the schedule. Full SmackFest story here.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Girls Next Door
Right now, since it's Monday night, I'm at Degeneration, Patrick's party at Scenic, getting wasted and dancing my pants off and ingesting all manner of household substances through all kinds of orifices. I'm certainly not at home, watching The Girls Next Door, the new reality show about the Playboy "girlfriends" - Playmate-hopefuls who live in the Playboy mansion and act as concubines to Hugh Hefner. I'm pretty sure I overheard someone saying that it seems like there are currently three such girlfriends, though at the start of the season there were seven, all of whom say they are "dating" the Hef. There is clear competition between new girlfriends and old ones. The dynamics are as follows (from right): 25-year-old Holly Madison, a 50's style blonde bombshell, similar to Barbara Bel Geddes from Vertigo, who's clearly the smartest and most ambitious of the girlfriends. Then there's 31-year-old Bridget, a singularly despicable character who is simultaneously cheerful, catty, jealous, ambitious, and perfectly idiotic. And then there's Kendra, who it seems is Hef's newest and favorite girlfriend, and no wonder: she's new, 20 years old, athletic, and has a certain air of nonchalance, as though she just expects good things to happen to her and they do. The dynamic in the house is layered, complicated, and competitive, and all centered around the oft-absent, mythic figure of Hugh Hefner. The whole thing reminds me of the Yimou Zhang film Raise the Red Lantern, an historical epic about concubines in feudal China. Who woulda thunk.That's a nice, pithy observation - until you remember how that movie ended. Hmm.
But I'm not even thinking about that, because I'm at Scenic. Drinking. There's no way I'm watching Aqua Teen or anything like that. Noooo way.
The Event List 8.8.05
Culture junkie Kiss Me Kate has informed me that Tomorrow's Friend is replacing Cass McCombs as the opener for the Double show at the Seaport. Also, we are going to see Clap Your Hands Say Yeah at the Seaport on Wednesday, to see what all the hype is about.
And with that: here is this week's Event List as it stands now.
Tonight The Odd Couple @ Bryant Park, dusk, FREE
Tonight Kings of Leon + Secret Machines @ Roseland Ballroom, 7pm, $27
Tonight Don't Look Back and The Last Waltz @ Center For Jewish History, 7pm, $10
*Tonight Lair of the White Worm @ Rififi, 10pm, FREE w/ drink
*Tonight Degeneration w/ the Cut boys @ Scenic
Tomorrow 50 Cent book signing @ Virgin Megastore Union Sq, 11am, FREE
*Tomorrow Queen Christina + Scarlet Empress double feature @ Thalia, 6pm, $10
Tomorrow Bike Repaire Wkshop @ 49 E Houston, 6pm, FREE
Tomorrow Hot Snakes @ Bowery Ballroom, 9pm, $16.50 adv / 19 dos
*Tomorrow We Bite! + Shithammered w/ dirty cardboard cutouts @ Happy Ending
Wed 8.10 Devo @ Hammerstein Ballroom, 6:30pm, $55
*Wed 8.10 Clap Your Hands Say Yeah @ South Street Seaport, 7pm, FREE
Wed 8.10 House Party @ Socrates Sculpture Park, LIC, dusk, FRE
Wed 8.10 Bad Plays Festival starts @ Downeast Arts Center, 8pm, $10 / night
*Wed 8.10 Kill Whitie! + Foam Party + $1 beer @ Club Exit, 8pm, $5
Wed 8.10 Bang! @ No1C
Wed 8.10 Bust @ Boys Room
*Thur 8.11 Broadway in Bryant Park @ Bryant Park Stage, 12:30pm, FREE
Thur 8.11 DJ Jazzy Jay + Shrek @ Manida Ballfields Hunts Pt Recreation Ctr, 5pm, FREE
*Thur 8.11 Chinatown @ Brooklyn Bridge Park, dusk, FREE
*Thur 8.11 Trisha Brown Dance Co @ Rumsey Playfield, Central Park, 8:30pm, FREE
*Thur 8.11 Stylofone @ Pussycat Lounge, 10pm, $5
Fri 8.12 The Misfits @ CBGB, 7pm, $30
Fri 8.12 Fireworks @ Coney Island beach, 9:30pm, FREE
*Fri 8.12 Mort A L'ube w/ ARE Weapons @ Crobar, 10pm, FREE w/ RSVP
Sat 8.13 The Silver Scream Spook Show @ Coney Island Museum, 8pm doors, $5
Sat 8.13 Oxford Collapse @ Glasshouse, 8pm, tba
*Sat 8.13 Knife Skills @ Rockys, 8pm, tba
*Sat 8.13 Giant Drag @ Pianos, 8:30pm, $8
*Sat 8.13 Mobius Band + Charles Bissel (Wrens) @ secret, 10pm, FREE
*Sat 8.13 Diplo + Catchdubs @ Knitting Factory, 10pm, $12
And with that: here is this week's Event List as it stands now.
Tonight The Odd Couple @ Bryant Park, dusk, FREE
Tonight Kings of Leon + Secret Machines @ Roseland Ballroom, 7pm, $27
Tonight Don't Look Back and The Last Waltz @ Center For Jewish History, 7pm, $10
*Tonight Lair of the White Worm @ Rififi, 10pm, FREE w/ drink
*Tonight Degeneration w/ the Cut boys @ Scenic
Tomorrow 50 Cent book signing @ Virgin Megastore Union Sq, 11am, FREE
*Tomorrow Queen Christina + Scarlet Empress double feature @ Thalia, 6pm, $10
Tomorrow Bike Repaire Wkshop @ 49 E Houston, 6pm, FREE
Tomorrow Hot Snakes @ Bowery Ballroom, 9pm, $16.50 adv / 19 dos
*Tomorrow We Bite! + Shithammered w/ dirty cardboard cutouts @ Happy Ending
Wed 8.10 Devo @ Hammerstein Ballroom, 6:30pm, $55
*Wed 8.10 Clap Your Hands Say Yeah @ South Street Seaport, 7pm, FREE
Wed 8.10 House Party @ Socrates Sculpture Park, LIC, dusk, FRE
Wed 8.10 Bad Plays Festival starts @ Downeast Arts Center, 8pm, $10 / night
*Wed 8.10 Kill Whitie! + Foam Party + $1 beer @ Club Exit, 8pm, $5
Wed 8.10 Bang! @ No1C
Wed 8.10 Bust @ Boys Room
*Thur 8.11 Broadway in Bryant Park @ Bryant Park Stage, 12:30pm, FREE
Thur 8.11 DJ Jazzy Jay + Shrek @ Manida Ballfields Hunts Pt Recreation Ctr, 5pm, FREE
*Thur 8.11 Chinatown @ Brooklyn Bridge Park, dusk, FREE
*Thur 8.11 Trisha Brown Dance Co @ Rumsey Playfield, Central Park, 8:30pm, FREE
*Thur 8.11 Stylofone @ Pussycat Lounge, 10pm, $5
Fri 8.12 The Misfits @ CBGB, 7pm, $30
Fri 8.12 Fireworks @ Coney Island beach, 9:30pm, FREE
*Fri 8.12 Mort A L'ube w/ ARE Weapons @ Crobar, 10pm, FREE w/ RSVP
Sat 8.13 The Silver Scream Spook Show @ Coney Island Museum, 8pm doors, $5
Sat 8.13 Oxford Collapse @ Glasshouse, 8pm, tba
*Sat 8.13 Knife Skills @ Rockys, 8pm, tba
*Sat 8.13 Giant Drag @ Pianos, 8:30pm, $8
*Sat 8.13 Mobius Band + Charles Bissel (Wrens) @ secret, 10pm, FREE
*Sat 8.13 Diplo + Catchdubs @ Knitting Factory, 10pm, $12
Interpolated
Note: this story is pure hearsay. There is no evidence that this ever happened, and given the fact that my dad is the source, the guys could have been any jokers pretending to be Interpol. For the sake of simplicity and comedy, I'm going to say it was really them. But it's totally possible and maybe even probable that it wasn't. In short, I'm scared of Carlos D. Please don't hurt me, you wiry and scrappy man.That said: my dad, who is cooler than I am, and also a cultural spy, related the following story to me. It is about the slutty boys of Interpol. It was prefaced by the question, "Do you know this band - Inter-pole?" which was answered with "Yes, dad, I know Interpol." The story goes as follows:
My dad - Eastern European features, gray-white hair, 5'3", but a man of stature - was sitting on a United Airlines flight. In front of him sat two German women in their twenties. Kitty-corner sat the boys of Interpol. Everyone was quietly reading magazines and talking to their friends. The flight took off from Heathrow. The girls began to drink. Interpol began to drink - particularly, said my dad, "the blonde one, with the English accent," - Paul Banks. They began to drink with such fervor, with such determination and, almost, loyalty, that the plane staff gave them all free miniature plastic bottles of cognac. Everyone was drunk, especially the aforementioned Blonde One. The German girls began to look less Bratwurst-fed, and more Aryan Nations. The Blonde One began to flirt with one of the girls.
A couple hours into the flight, Interpol was wasted, particularly the Blonde One. The German girls were wasted. German Girl #1 was touching hands with the Blonde One. German Girl #2 was scowling. "What do you do?" GG1 asked the Blonde, stroking his hand.
"I'm in a pop band," he said.
"Oh, I like pop music!" she said, brightening, grasping his hand tightly. "Which one?"
"Interpol."
"I haven't heard of you. Are you good?"
"I think we're pretty good," he said. "We're about to play at this ---------" (dad's memory is vague here) "for fourteen thousand dollars."
"Oh," said GG1. She got out of her seat, knelt in the aisle and kissed the Blonde on the mouth. She remained in the aisle, making out with the Blonde, for ten to twenty minutes. Between kisses, the two of them giggled and whispered. German Girl #2 looked perturbed. So did Carlos D.
"Let's go to the bathroom," said the Blonde.
"OK," said GG1. The couple held hands. Blonde began to step into the aisle.
"Hey, hey - c'mon," said Carlos D. He grabbed Blonde by the foot and yanked him back into the seat. GG1 laughed. She knelt back in the aisle and continued to make out with Blonde.
"Let's get a hotel room tonight," said Blonde.
"I can't," said GG1. "I'm visiting New York to see my sister's new baby. I'm staying with her."
"Let me stay with her, then," said Blonde.
"No, I can't - her apartment is thirty square foot. There is no room for me, let alone my friend - and then you? No. Just call me tomorrow, and we can figure it out."
"OK," he said. They kissed again and giggled. Carlos D looked forlorn. GG2 looked furious. The plane flew for three or so more hours. There was more kissing and giggling and more drinking. The lights were turned down and there were noises and laughter in the dark. Every time GG1 went back to her seat, the whole row would quake back for a second. My dad tried to get some sleep, but he couldn't.
The plane was held for an hour at JFK. Everyone looked cranky and restless. Finally, passengers were told to disembark. Interpol got up and removed their bags from the overhead. So did the German girls. GG1 stood next to her luggage, which was on her seat. She looked over at Blonde Mr. Banks. GG1 had a good twelve inches on Paul Banks. She looked down at him.
"You're a tiny man!" she crowed, still drunk. He looked up at her in surprise.
"What?" he said, also drunk.
"You are so short! You are too short," she said.
He paused and stared at her. "What? Fuck off."
"You should never hit on girls sitting down," she advised him loudly, through her thick German accent. "You know? You shouldn't hit on girls sitting down!"
"Fuck off," he said. "Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off."
"Why?" she laughed, but looked upset. "You are - "
"Fuck off," he said. "Fuck off."
"I guess this means we won't see each other today," she said cheerfully.
"Fuck off," he said. "Fuck off."
"OK," she said. "I will fuck off." She moved ahead, allowing several passengers to get between them.
"Fuck off," Paul Banks mumbled. Carlos rolled his eyes. German Girl 2 pushed past the rest of the passengers to catch up with her friend.
Friday, August 05, 2005
War of the Weird
Everyone should go see Weird War tonight at Mercury Lounge, unless they're seeing The Hold Steady, in which case all the power to them. Weird War was great when they played at Eclectic this past year at my school. You will like them if you liked The Make-Up, Nation of Ulysses, Howling Hex, most of the Drag City catalogue, or general throwback 70's rock. Or, if you hold a special place in your heart for cockstrutting frontmen who look like they are probably a cess pool of STD's and tend to sing in a falsetto bordering on castrato. Watch out for Ian Svenonious; he may look like a dippy, drugged out skinny 40-something, but he's actually into politics. And he will talk to you about them. For a long. Long. Time. Especially if you have boobies.
Get Behind Twee, Pitchfork
Here is why Pitchfork sucks the big one:
On The Hold Steady's frontman Craig Finn: "Finn may not be Art Garfunkel up in this piece, but he uses his adenoidal rasp to blurt twisted, dense shards of squalid back-alley imagery and bruised druggy lamentations, broken teeth and broken bottles, and tattered hotel-room Bibles and hidden knives. He's the poet laureate of the loading dock behind the mall where the runaway kids get together to sniff cheap coke at 5 a.m."
Why this review is shit on a stick:
a) "up in this piece"
b) long-ass metaphors
c) huge, long metaphors from hell
d) gigantic, overwraught metaphors that make absolutely no sense, as riddled with existential discord as a fleet of post-op transexual Navy SEALs administering CPR to an obese Alaskan fisherman-amputee.
Another reason Pitchfork sucks: Twee. According to the American Heritage Dictionary, "twee" is an adjective meaning "overly precious or nice." Pitchfork has modified it into a noun, a verb, and even - oh, happy day - a genre! They derided it's use in a 2003 review of Guther "I Know You Know," dismissing twee as an "arbitrary genre subdivider in the record bin of music journalism". Since then, its use has only become more frequent on Pitchfork. Architecture in Helsinki "In Case We Die" is "off-tune twee" or "twee-pop"; David Bowie's "Hunky Dory" is "primitive twee-pop"; luckily (?) for The White Stripes, however, "Get Behind Me Satan" is apparently only "borderline-twee".
On The Hold Steady's frontman Craig Finn: "Finn may not be Art Garfunkel up in this piece, but he uses his adenoidal rasp to blurt twisted, dense shards of squalid back-alley imagery and bruised druggy lamentations, broken teeth and broken bottles, and tattered hotel-room Bibles and hidden knives. He's the poet laureate of the loading dock behind the mall where the runaway kids get together to sniff cheap coke at 5 a.m."
Why this review is shit on a stick:
a) "up in this piece"
b) long-ass metaphors
c) huge, long metaphors from hell
d) gigantic, overwraught metaphors that make absolutely no sense, as riddled with existential discord as a fleet of post-op transexual Navy SEALs administering CPR to an obese Alaskan fisherman-amputee.
Another reason Pitchfork sucks: Twee. According to the American Heritage Dictionary, "twee" is an adjective meaning "overly precious or nice." Pitchfork has modified it into a noun, a verb, and even - oh, happy day - a genre! They derided it's use in a 2003 review of Guther "I Know You Know," dismissing twee as an "arbitrary genre subdivider in the record bin of music journalism". Since then, its use has only become more frequent on Pitchfork. Architecture in Helsinki "In Case We Die" is "off-tune twee" or "twee-pop"; David Bowie's "Hunky Dory" is "primitive twee-pop"; luckily (?) for The White Stripes, however, "Get Behind Me Satan" is apparently only "borderline-twee".
Thumbsucks
Tale of Two Cities, a self-hating hipster blog, takes the much-needed piss out of the zanily dressed revelers on lastnightsparty, cobrasnake, and VICE mag, in a weekly feature called "Blue States Lose: ToTC's Don'ts and Don'ts". This is a fucking excellent idea, executed almost as well as it could be - I think black people could do it better.
In other news, how many movies can Tilda Swinton be in in one season? The albino-esque Londoner can be seen in the upcoming indie Thumbsucker, Jim Jarmusch's straight-faced Broken Flowers, and as the ice queen in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe, which I can't wait to see.
Has everyone noticed the movie industry's recent affection for outsider-art Force Field-style kitsch posters? Ever since Napoleon Dynamite took the DIY aesthetic and made it palatable and boring, his naive style has been all over title sequences and movie posters everywhere.Thumbsucker's poster includes floating line drawings accompanied by gems of just precious early-90's self loathing like "Honk if you're flawed", Junebug boasts a sloppy-chic family portrait, and remember that Palindromes comic book fantasy drawing?
...I don't remember if this trend bothers me or not. Also, I promise to stop mentioning Thumbsucker every two seconds; blame that little imp Lou. Coffee time.
In other news, how many movies can Tilda Swinton be in in one season? The albino-esque Londoner can be seen in the upcoming indie Thumbsucker, Jim Jarmusch's straight-faced Broken Flowers, and as the ice queen in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe, which I can't wait to see.
Has everyone noticed the movie industry's recent affection for outsider-art Force Field-style kitsch posters? Ever since Napoleon Dynamite took the DIY aesthetic and made it palatable and boring, his naive style has been all over title sequences and movie posters everywhere.Thumbsucker's poster includes floating line drawings accompanied by gems of just precious early-90's self loathing like "Honk if you're flawed", Junebug boasts a sloppy-chic family portrait, and remember that Palindromes comic book fantasy drawing?
...I don't remember if this trend bothers me or not. Also, I promise to stop mentioning Thumbsucker every two seconds; blame that little imp Lou. Coffee time.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Bang!
Bang! last night was the most crowded I've ever seen it, even after the open bar ended. Maybe because they gave out gift bags full of goodies like lotion sets, the latest issue of City magazine, and mint soda that tasted like diluted toothpaste. Bust had a good crowd too, but an earlier run-in with some lobster ravioli and vodka sauce caused me to turn in early.
When I'm at Bang! I look like this.
When I'm at Bang! I look like this.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
The New JTT and the Sun King
Lou Taylor Pucci from upcoming releases Chumscrubber and Thumbsucker, besides having an apparent affinity for compound words, is the hottest little boy in the world, hailing from the the grand American tradition of hot little boys with "Taylor" as a middle name. I've got a crappy habit of watching movie trailers online, and came across this one for Thumbsucker, which features Keanu Reeves as a (dull-witted?) dentist. Twenty minutes of imdb stalking later, I'm in love - and I want to wish Louie a very, very happy 20th birthday (July 27).Here's a picture of him, looking appropriately terrified of his new BIGGEST FAN!
And speaking of Louie, in case you wanted to see Jason Schwartzman dressed up as the Sun King, there's a cure for what ails you (thanks Kate). With any luck, Kirsten Dunst will add him to her A-list of indie actor boyfriends soon, and we can live vicariously through everyone involved. TomKat vs. JaKit? SonDun? Endless.
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